Tests were never a problem for me.  Pass or fail, A or F, I could give a shit.  Without the pressure and anxiety, I did pretty, pretty well on test days.  I’ve prepared a little test tonight.  Let’s take it together!

Question One: If a woman (or a man, for that matter) sucks your dick for $5 per square inch and gets $40 including a $5 tip, how big was the dick he/she just sucked?

Answer: In this economy, it would be impossible to find anyone who would suck a dick for $5/inch.  This is a trick question.  And what the hell does size matter?  I’m sure the amount of hair and smegma are bigger factors.

Question Two: If Jake is with his buddy and drinks five shots on his own, then convinces his designated driver buddy to smoke a pound of marijuana, only to get a call from a honey across town for a good sport fuck, how the hell is he going to get there?

Answer: Like my dick is going to function properly after doing all that shit.  Now if we replace the alcohol and weed with some cocaine . . . right?  Riiiiiight?  Which leads me to a follow-up question.

Question Three: If a dick doesn’t get hard off of cocaine …. what would you ask it?

Answer: Don’t look to me for an answer.  It’s an old fashioned riddle.

Question Four: If the skytrain leaves Mo Chit at 1:15pm at a speed of (fuck me if I know the speed of that motherfucker), what time will it arrive at Nana?

Answer: The skytrain will get there at 1:45pm, but if *I* board the train at Mo Chit at 1:15pm, there is little chance I’ll make it all the way to Nana on that trip.  There are too many stops in-between and too much food and entertainment to pull me off the train.  There’s also a slim possibility I can get a hand job without having to get all the way to Soi Cowboy anyway!

Question Five: If a hand job costs $64,000, who the hell is giving you that hand job and what the hell is he/she doing exactly??

Answer: If I had $64,000 to burn, I know I’m stupid enough to pay that price for a hand job.  Who would I pay, though?  Princess T?  Oh!  I’ll ask her next time.  I need some good react quotes for my other blog.  I think I would pay theultimateroleplayer that same amount or maybe even Chompooh.  No.  ex-nay on the poohchom-pay.  And it would definitely have to be more than the usual pulling and stroking and pumping action.  She would have to yank my dick off my body, shove it in my own ass to the point where it goes completely inside my body, put her hand down my throat, pull my dick out of my mouth, jam it up my nose, and fuck my brain with my cock.   Impossible?  I think so.  I would love to see Cris Angel or David Blaine try that trick, though.  I would be mucho, mucho, mucho impressed.

Question Six:  Did I really plan on six questions?

Answer: No.

I didn’t even plan on writing in my blog tonight.  Plans are funny things.  I planned on calling a friend and having a good laugh with her this evening, but she had another idea.  She decided to be a sneaky gal and play some mind games with me tonight.  I’m usually all for the games, but I never thought she would be down to play games.  I don’t like it.  Things on the home front are not pleasant, either.  Everyone seems to hate me more than ever and that’s totally cool with me.  I just hate the fact that I have to spend time with these people, these haters.  I’m very happy being alone.  People can hate me from a distance.  It’s safer that way.

It’s way too cold for New Mexico.  I’m freezing my balls off.  It’s terrible!  I can’t lose my balls.  Not yet.

Winter sucks.  I want to be in Phuket with Cindy right now.  She can tell me how fat I am — I don’t give a fuck.  Besides, I have really great fat guy Hawaiian shirts.  They’re not Hawaiian shirts, but they’re like Hawaiian shirts.  What I’m trying to say is that I have great fat guy shirts that are perfect for the beach.  Ahhh, the beach.  I can feel the hot sand on my feet right now.  I can hear the waves crashing.  I can taste the Mai Tais . . . twenty Mai Tais and a bottle of Moet.  The last time I drank that much was at The Peacock Bar in Beijing.  Happy Days.

Stay warm!

Original post by causticj36