I just received some classic hate mail.  In fact, this kind of flaming is the Gold Standard.  So all you kids out there: Pay Attention.  If you really want to flame someone, take some notes and check this out!

 you better be a crediting me when you quote me cocksucker!

That was the subject heading.  A great start.

“I was quite surprised to hear a mutual friend casually mention that you had quoted me a few times in your blog recently. A shocking and confusing sensation nearly overcame me as I pondered the meaning of your obvious and appropriate expression of hero worship. While trying to decide if you could potentially be coaxed from a mere love-struck toady into a full blown sycophant, I realized what that sensation was! I was in experiencing what could only be described as a
full on warm fuzzy; no doubt induced by your need to tout some of my brilliant observations. God that feels so fucking good!!!…

Fuck. Ignore all that bullshit; I was just scratching my balls.

What I really wanted to say was this:

You better be fucking attributing my shit when you use it to prop up this weak ass blogflogging you use to prop up your feeble ego.

Otherwise I may have to get pissed and show how the real literary heavyweights defend the title. You’ll find that typing this crap is good practice for the tapping you’ll need to do when I go Kimbo Hemingway on your sorry ass… ”

BOOM!  Wasn’t that wonderful?  It’s an all out blog war, ladies and gentlemen.  I’m Sherlock Holmes and I just found my own Professor Moriarty.

In other news, I’ve yet to get my react quotes regarding the $64,000 hand job.  How will the gals react when I offer such an insane proposition???  It’s like the movie where the guy offers the husband a million dollars for one night with the wife.  A million dollar proper fuck or a $64,000 hand job?  You be the judge.  By the way, who knew I actually carried some weight on Wall Street?  I’m not taking credit for the slight boost in the economy, but …. well … I guess I am taking credit for it.  I don’t know what I’m going to do with my check, either.  I’m thinking booze.  Drugs.  Hookers.  One of the three or all three will do just fine.  That’s the American Way.

I feel fantastic!

Original post by causticj36