We have a lot to discuss, ladies and gentlemen, my dear friends.

I think I could get away with saying I was privately mourning the loss of George Carlin last week and that’s why I didn’t post a lot last week, but I don’t really *mourn* and I know Carlin would kick me in the ass for mourning.  I was busy playing  around with an old post.  You know the one.  Romancing the Demilivanili  Zone.  Everyone will be happy to know that I no longer lust for North Korean women.  I lust for New Mexican women now.  Radioactive Chicanas.  Love is all you need and Slipknot fans keep me company these days.  We’ll get back to the New Mexicans in a bit.

We really need to focus on global issues right now.  What the fuck is going on?  I had an operative in Europe and he came back with his field report a couple weeks ago.  Europe is in need.  The Europeans are lacking one vital thing.  It’s shocking!  They don’t have Caustic J in Europe!  Oh sure, maybe a Romanian prostitute or two know of me, but what about the French?  Spaniards and Italian?  Dutch and Swedes?  They are ignorant.  I focus too much on Asians.  Poor Europeans . . . they need a little Caustic J, too!  Everyone needs me.  I’m good for you . . .

. . . And by good . . . I mean bad.  This is the real problem.  I just watched a documentary called Ganja Queen.  This poor Australian girl who looks like an ex-girlfriend of mine (I swear I don’t know the Ganja Queen) is locked up in an Indonesian prison for smuggling over four kilos of marijuana.  Well, guess what?  She didn’t do it!  Any fool like me can tell when someone is innocent.  She’s innocent!  Indonesia!  How can such a beautiful country fuck things up so bad and lock up a sweet little Aussie girl?  It’s wrong.  And I know wrong!  I’m an American.  We set new records in being wrong in the name of righteousness.  And what is wrong?  I don’t believe that two wrongs make a right.  Fuck that!  Two wrongs make a double wrong and you know what?  Double wrongs kick ass!  Indonesia locked up the Aussie sheila.  What should Australia do?  Simple.  They should war against Indonesia.  I know, I know.  War is bad.  Think of it like a re-enactment of The Iliad.  See?  It’s not so bad now.

Weed should be legal.  Let’s settle that right now.  I don’t even smoke weed.  Alright, alright . . . I smoke sometimes.  Rarely.  I prefer drinking and drinking is far worse than smoking weed.  I know guys who smoke incredible amounts of marijuana and pass field sobriety tests without any difficulty.  I fail a field sobriety test when I *think* about whiskey.  Forget about actually drinking the stuff.  Prostitution should be legal, too.  I’m a hero amongst local Johns.  They know I know where the best pussy can be found the Duke City.  Men come from all over the state and sit while I teach from the mountain.  Blessed are the horny, for they shall get laid for all eternity.

I took a slight break from writing in order to wheel out the trash bin for pick-up and to take a piss.  It’s a beautiful night.  I should be out there right now.  I think I will take my drinks outside when I’m finished with this post and enjoy a peaceful night.

Yeah.  I think I’ll end it right now and continue this post later.

Sweet dreams.

Original post by causticj36