Some people like to call me a fat idiot.  Others tell me that I’m an ugly bastard.  Who am I to disagree with such apt judgments?

This post is dedicated to Jimmy Cliff.

I don’t know about you, but I’m having a hell of a fucking time tonight!  Whooooo!!!!!  I defeated all of my enemies.  They were smote on the sacred ground of PokerStars!  And when I was not smiting the peasants, I was wooing the Asian women!  It’s gotta suck for all of my detractors.  I should be dead.  I should be broke.  I should at least be dead broke.  And yet, here I am, blogging and drinking cheap wine.  I’m blasting glam rock and talking out loud.  Caustic J started out as a fighter.  Now he’s a lover.  He loves hot women with a sense of humor.  He also loves Princess T.

Princess T . . .

The Great Architect of the Universe really put extra effort in creating such a beautiful creature.  She has it all.  She’s Asian.  That helps.  It’s kind of important to someone who has an Asian fetish.  She’s a manga geek.  That’s also a plus because it contributes to a distorted view of reality.  She likes self-centered jerks.  Hey!  I’m a self-centered jerk!  She likes the bad boy.  Who doesn’t?  Chicks dig the guy who knifed some British electrician in a Bangkok billiards bar (alliteration bonus).  The funny part of that story was the fact that I stabbed the Englishman with a knife that had a Manchester United emblem on it.  That’s not “funny ha-ha” it’s more like “funny things that make you go ‘hmmmm.’”  I’m sure that guy was fine.  Maybe he’s dead.  Who the fuck knows?  He had the best joke about a Cambodian hooker.   Let’s see if I can tell it for him.  In his memory.

So a Cambodian hooker walks into a bar . . . wait.  Maybe it was a restaurant?  Let’s say it’s a bar.  So a Cambodian hooker walks into a bar and she says . . . wait.  Does she say something or does someone say something to her?  She says, “I don’t eat meat.”  And then someone says . . . uhhh . . . Fuck it.  It was a funny joke.  Trust me.

Hey!  Lighten up!  We’re all friends.  We can get a little caust-alistic sometimes, right?  The world is fucked up, my friends.  You got Obama and Jon Benet Ramsey and Boutros Boutros Ghali.  And I have Malaysian princesses and sex-starved Brits along with a gambling itch and a drinking glitch.  Yes.  Alliteration is played out.

Rhyme time?  I think so.

See ya next time.

Original post by causticj36