I was going to write about the cornbrator, which is a toy I have never had the pleasure to try: I’ve only seen it online.

Then I remembered that someone recently called me a libertine. I returned the compliment with a dark red, lipsticked sneer -or maybe it was a smear. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter, I was probably on my second Black Orchid by then.

      Black Orchid (approximately…I’m not quite sure what goes in it, but this is close to how they make it where I go)

      equal parts Gin, Vodka, Tequila, and Rum over ice in a pint glass

      add some chambord for color and a bit of 7-up, and a cherry on top.

I guess it’s like an Adios MotherFucker, but purple.

Anyway, back to the cornbrator. I ran into photos of this on a website recently. Reminded me of a certain candle I had a mad affair with. See, I went through a time when I not only couldn’t afford sex toys, but even if I could, I was too shy to get them. I did, however, have a very respectable candle collection.

One day on my way to work, I wandered past a store that was getting rid of seasonal items. Among those items was  a candle shaped like an ear of corn. Not as large, but covered with the little nubs. I stopped right there, suddenly hot and damp and blushing a little. I  ran in and bought it, and scampered off to work with my new love. I could hardly wait to get home - the day dragged on and on, and while I thought about taking a break and running off to the women’s room, well, I knew better…. Finally I got home, slid that sweet, sweet candle into a condom (it was painted, and I didn’t want that paint coming off in awkward places) and fully enjoyed myself.  I don’t remember what happened to it - I just know I don’t have it anymore. I probably wore it out and squeezed it into some unrecognizable form. Once those nubs wore down I wouldn’t have had much use for it anyway.

Original post by sexykitten