This is the Final Chapter in a long, boring story about my ex-girlfriends.  It turns out that CaddyCat was bumping Tik Tok by Ke$ha a while back and I had no idea what the fuck she was raving about.  I’m a little slow, you see, and she is at one of the major global hotspots.  I thought I could use her endorsement as a way to connect with the young people.  I teach high school after all.  But before I put myself on the line with my harshest critics, I decided to sample the music of Ms. Kesha.  No more dollar signs, okay?  I, shameless self-promoter that I am, still find it hard to use a dollar sign in my name.  So I listened to the track and it was awful.  And then my friends and other respected colleagues agreed with my judgement.

I managed to connect with the high schoolers that mattered by sharing an after school moment on a concrete median several days later.  I don’t need garbage like Kesha in order to connect with my students.  Hello!  That’s why we have dick jokes and jokes about inappropriate relationships with 10th graders.  And that’s when I solved the puzzle.

CaddyCat is Kesha and I am the sad old man who thinks her music is crap.  I was free!  The last Asian fetish was finally put to rest.  It’s time to get down to business — To be honest.  To be real.  To be alive!

And with that, I leave you with the final thoughts on the hottest Chinese chick I ever banged. . .

. . . She wore baby blue panties.  She yelped like a dog when I penetrated her.  She is totally bi, but is down to fuck any of my friends (ahem, Soap, ahem, silentpillow).  Just say the word and thou shalt get laid.  Just show up in Shanghai and let the fingers dial the numbers and let the freak out of the cage.  It is my gift to the world.  What?  You want Tamy?  She’s dead.  She contracted some sort of flesh eating bacteria and is now buried way down in a hole.

And if you still read this blog and want some free sex toys, comment on this post.  This Post Only.  “Fun Packages” are being sent out at the end of the month.  And as a special bonus, you will receive a hand-written Caustic J Comic!  Oh, my art is poor and the content is nothing short of vile, but think of the collector’s value once I get famous or infamous.  Think about it!  How close am I from being all over the news?  I drink and whore and bang starfuckers and fuck fuckstars and commit crimes and invite disaster.  I’m just saying.  My destiny is to be a headline. . . for better or for worse.

Let’s hope for the former.

Original post by Charles J. Chinwannabutr