Maybe the most notable thing about this year’s Oscar nominees for Best Actor is they way they all avoid the limelight. From George Clooney throwing tantrums when paparazzi get near him to Johnny Depp’s silly attempts to be kooky and bohemian and French to Daniel Day-Lewis trying to be kooky and cobblery and Italian […]

In the Best Actor category this year, Tommy Lee Jones is as a distinct disadvantage–at least when it comes to starfucking–because he’s 62. And while I’ve had good-bordering-on-great sex with a 62-year old before, it’s a little on the border of elderly, and when you’re sixty-two it’s tough to complete with a strapping 47-year old […]

There’s something I’d like to say from the get-go here, and it’s something that makes me different than most of the rest of the world: I don’t think Johnny Depp is hot. I’ve never thought Johnny Depp was hot. I also don’t think pirates are hot, and I think Johnny Depp as […]

In preparation for today’s Oscar-themed Adventure in Starfucking, I decided to kick off my morning with a little one-handed salute to George Clooney. And while, in general, my Hump Day Morning Monkeyspank is a satisfying one, I just couldn’t manage it with visions of George dancing and writhing in my head. And […]

The Oscar nominations came out this morning, and as I’ve said before I can’t say much about most of the nominees since I haven’t actually seen most of the movies that came out this year. But don’t worry, that won’t stop me from shallowly judging my the Best Actor categories based entirely on […]

The 25th annual AVN awards happen tonight in Las Vegas, honoring the best (or at least biggest) folks in the porn industry. I saw shockingly little in the way of adult fare this past year, so I don’t know much about any of the movies nominated. Not that it really matters. There’s […]

Jeez.  So I went, um, 0-4 with my NFL predictions last week. But on the upside the Seahawks won, and I did watch my first full football game in about twelve years. But I guess that means I was wrong, and that a cute QB may actually work as a detriment to a team.  […]

 
This morning I watched about 20 minutes of the SciFi Channel’s 8-hour Doctor Who marathon while I was waiting for my clothes to finish drying. If I had cable at home I probably would have called in sick, but since I wasn’t at home I decided to just spend my day looking at […]

Every year I say that I’m going to start watching football, and every year autumn flies by so damn quickly that the season’s over before I see my first game. But, I thought I’d give my predictions for this year’s post-season, based on how much I want to sleep with key players. It […]

(This post was originally going to be the first installment of something I was going to call The Twelve Days of Starfucking, but, um, today’s the third day and I’m just posting the first one. So I doubt I’ve got the follow-through to do this every day for the next week and a half.)
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It’s the final installment of Jock Jams, the six-part feature where I look at all 2800 or so Sports Illustrated covers and tell you which ones have the best eye-candy on the cover. We’re up to the 2000s now. Of course, with the rise of the internet, 24-hour sports news, 47271 different ESPN channels, […]

The nineties, the fifth of the six decades in this ungodly long Ken Burns-like study of Sports Illustrated covers, were pretty terrible overall. Almost entirely action shots of far-away football players and basketball players with their tongues hanging out, there were few weeks where one had the opportunity to longingly gaze at a decent-looking […]