Oh, the vegetable thing? Yes, I was serious. Once upon a time I had a fling with a carrot. Yes, a carrot. I’m not as loose as you might think. I was having a great night with someone I was “seeing” (coughsleepingwithwhenIwasintowncough) and he had a bit of a whiskey dick one night. He ran upstairs, got a carrot (carefully washed, of course), and went wild. He ate the carrot afterwards, much to my surprise and delight….

Original post by sexykitten

This contest is dedicated to Princess T.  Thanks for all the support, Tamy.

Alright.  So … tell me … what’s your favorite sex toy?  Why?   My favorite sex toy is my pink vibrator.  It’s my only sex toy.

The Rules 

Leave a comment on my blog any time between now (August 27, 2008) and September 30, 2008.  The comment can be short or long (preferably short) and should only be about your favorite sex toy.  No pics required.  Winners will be chosen on a random basis using the Random Integer Generator.  All you have to do is leave a comment!  It’s that simple!

The Prizes

Since my prize was a vibrator, I’m going to make all the prizes.  Let’s see . . .

Five Vibrators: one Wascally Rabbit, one Vibe Me Sensual Pleasure Vibe, one Passionate Petites - Baby Blue, one Tickle Me Soft and one Fukuoku Twist n’ Shout.  I’ll add to the prize list if I get a lot of comments.  We’ll see how it goes.  This is the first time I’ve run a contest.  I’ll do my best.

Questions?  Ask away!

Hope this works out!

It could be fun.

Good Luck!!

Original post by causticj36

Just kidding, but really, there isn’t much to me. I suppose if you’re really curious, you could ask questions. I don’t usually mind answering questions.

So, a few things you can expect from this blog…  I mostly came here to read erotic stories, and possibly post a few of my own, but I have yet to finish the few that I’ve started. Mostly because I’m far to lazy and unimaginative to finish them. But I’m sure now that I’ve started this blog I’ll get around to it. You’ll also find random sexual commentary, various sex sites that I find amusing, and maybe even a sex toy review or two. Although my sexual escapades are few and far between, I’m completely willing to write about them, and possibly post pictures (sweet!) and even video (even better!). I’m an exhibitionist at heart, and I love to show off,  just be warned, I’m no Playboy bunny. I’m more like… well, here’s a picture so you can see for yourself.

See?

Well, there you have it. Questions and comments are always welcome. I never know how to end these things… so here’s a funny link about zombie sex!

Original post by MorbidSilence

“How is it not fair Shelly? You have only turned in fifty percent of the homework assignments. Your average test scores are in the C-minus range and you’ve been absent for eight days this grading period alone. Your grades are very fair. Technically, I should be failing you. That D-minus is actually a favor.”

“It sure doesn’t feel like a favor. When my mom sees this, she’s going to go off on my ass.”

“Shelly, if you want the grade you need to do some work. You’re smart enough to be getting an ‘A’. You are definitely capable of holding a ‘B’ with very little work. You are just being lazy. I can’t give you a good grade if you don’t do something for it in return. And watch your mouth.”

“Well, what would it take to get to an ‘A’?”

“That’s impossible. You only have two weeks before I have to have my grades turned in. The best you can get is a ‘C’. And, that’s only if you show up every day, do all the assignments and ace all the tests.”

“But I have to at least have a solid B or my mom will be pissed. She’ll take away my cell phone and computer. Then she’ll give me extra chores for the summer. My social life will be ruined. I just can’t live like that.” She cried.

“Well, the lack of socializing might be good for your grades.” I replied.

“My grades are fine. It’s just your class that I have problems in. I hate History. I have zero interest in it.”

“Shelly, History should be one of the easiest classes. It’s all black and white. You read the assignments. Remember some names and dates; take a test and that’s it. How could it be so difficult for a girl as smart as you.”

“I try to read it but it just makes me sleepy. I would find better reading in a coffee pot manual.” She pouted.

“All right, I’ll tell you what I would be willing to do for you. If you are willing to turn in all your missing assignments as well as all current and future assignments; AND, ace all the remaining tests. I could be persuaded to have you end the school year with a… ‘B’ minus grade.”

“Isn’t there an easier way Mr. Barns? I’m sure that there is something else I can do to earn that ‘B’.”

“With only two weeks left I don’t see how. I don’t usually allow students to turn in assignments this late. Once again I’m trying to give you a break.”

“What if I did some extra-credit work? Something a little special. Just for you.” She said.

She stepped close to me until her perky C-cups were almost touching my chest. She reached down and took my hand and brought it to her young, firm bosom.

“Surely there is something I can do for you… or to you that might earn me the grade I need.” She was being coy now.

I knew I should not even think about such a thing. This is how teachers lose their jobs and teaching licenses. The only thing I had going for me is that she was eighteen. At least there wouldn’t be a statutory rape charge. Was I really willing to risk my job; my career on a piece of ass?

I looked her over, taking in her youthful beauty. She was 5’ 10” tall and weighed about one-thirty or so. She had a round face with high cheek bones, large brown eyes and long brunette hair that fell around her shoulders. Her lips were full and pouty with some kind of strawberry flavored lip balm. Her breasts were full and ripe and sometimes I noticed her nipples pushing against the fabric of the tight blouses and tank tops that she often wore. Her legs were long and tan and seemed to go on for miles up to one of the nicest asses one could ever dream of. On the small of her back was a little tribal tattoo. Only eighteen and already a tramp-stamp.

She was wearing a pair of pink short-shorts that exposed the bottom of her ass cheeks. She was also ‘wearing’ a loose fitting, oversize t-shirt, and I couldn’t help but notice she had no bra. Earlier, during class, I noticed that if she turned certain ways I could see through her arm holes and have a perfect view to her beautiful tits. She was so young and firm and tan.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to see her in all her naked glory. Actually, I wanted her. I was young and single and didn’t get out much. I was pretty horny, and with her standing there so close to me I was getting more and more horny. I could feel my cock start to swell. I decided to see just where I could take this. I wanted to see just how far this little slut would go to get her ‘A’. I rationalized this by telling myself that I could still back out and not fuck her.

“What would you be willing to do Shelly?” I asked.

“Well, if you want, I could show them to you.” She offered.

She was still holding my hand on her left tit and she began to use my hand to massage her.

“Shelly, I can see a pair of tits anytime I want. If I’m going to do something like this, I need something that I can’t get over the Internet for free.”

“How about a blow job?” She offered. “I’ll suck your cock for an ‘A’”

She reached down and fondled my hard cock through my trousers.

“Hmmm, no. A blow job just won’t get you an ‘A’. At least not without some extra school work You would also have to ace all the remaining tests.”

“All right, what would I get if I allowed you to fuck me? Would that give my an ‘A’?”

“Well it could definitely get you a solid ‘B’. A suck and a fuck would put you over the top. I would give you an ‘A’ for a suck and a fuck.”

Her fondling became more aggressive as she stroked my cock through my trousers and continued to fondle her breast with my hand.

“So then we have a deal. If I suck your cock and let you fuck me you’ll give me an ‘A’?”

“AND, if you get passing grades on your remaining tests and not miss one more day of my class.”

“Oh, com ON Mr. Barns!”

“That’s the deal.” I said flatly.

She stepped back and let my hand fall from her firm breast. I thought ‘well, the deal is off.’. No sooner had the words crossed my mind when she grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head and tossed it on my desk. The sight of her youthful, nubile body, now topless, in front of me almost caused me to loose it. She squatted down in front of me and unzipped my trousers.

“Wait a minute.” I said.

I went over and locked the classroom door and put a poster of Benjamin Franklin over the window. Thankfully, classes for the week were over and the students had left the building. I was certain that most of the faculty would be gone by now as well. I walked back and pulled my chair out.

“Sit.” I said.

She did as she was told and I stepped in front of her with my throbbing crotch almost at mouth level. She looked up at me with a coy grin and I nodded my approval. By agreeing to this naughty, unethical tryst I was giving her the grade she wanted. I knew it was wrong but fuck it. This job has so little perks I figured it was about time I got a little something extra out of it. Besides, she was going to ‘earn’ the grade today.

She pulled my rock hard cock from my pants and her eyes bugged out at the size of it. I have almost eight inches and it is as big around as a zucchini. The head of my cock was already glistening with a good coat of pre-cum. She deftly stroked my cock a few times, admiring its size.

“Damn, this is going to be better than I thought. I had no idea your dick was so big.”

“I’ll bet it’s the biggest you’ve ever seen.” I replied smugly.

“Not really. A couple years ago I hooked up with a guy. His was longer but not quite as big around. It didn’t matter though. He was a two-pump-chump. He cold hardly get it in me before he blew his load. I guess technically this would be the biggest cock I’ve ever fucked. If, of course, you aren’t going to blow your load all over my thighs.” She was trying to take me down a notch.

“The only thing that’s going to be on your thighs is sweat, and what little bit of my load that drips from that sweet little pussy of yours.” I replied with confidence.

With that she grinned and stuffed the head of my cock in her pretty mouth. I could feel her talented tongue drawing circles around my sensitive cock head.

“Aaah, yes. I can see you have some pretty good cock sucking experience. Ooooo, that feels good.”

She started with just the head. She would wrap her mouth around my cock and lick all over the head then pull it out with a little ‘pop’. Then she would put it back in her mouth each time putting more and more of my cock in her mouth. She repeated this several times until the head of my cock was hitting the back of her throat. All the while she was making all kinds of sucking and slurping noises. As she was working my big prick in and out of her mouth I reached down and grabbed her firm, young tit. It was round and perky with her youth. I mauled her breast and pinched and rolled her nipple between my fingers.

She looked up at me and smiled. She rubbed my sloppy cock all over her lips and cheek. Occasionally she would pump my cock to keep me right on the brink while she licked and suck my balls. Then she took the head of my cock in her mouth and looked directly into my eyes. She grabbed both of my ass cheeks and slowly she orally impailed herself on my big, fat cock. She took the first half with the ease and experience that any good cocksucker would have. With half of my cock in her talented mouth she continued to push. I could feel her trying to open her throat as she was trying to push even more of my engorged prick into her. She could barely get another inch before her gag reflex caused her to spit me out.

“Get up and lay on my desk.” I said. “Scoot back until your head is hanging over the edge.

She did as I instructed. With her on my desk this put her face perfectly in line with my cock. I slowly fed her inch after inch of my meat. Once again I was half-way in when I could feel my cock head at the entrance of her throat.

“Take a few breaths and when you are ready, relax and push me deeper into your mouth.”

I could feel her take a couple deep breaths then I felt her hands reach over her head and grab my thighs as she signaled that it was time to push. Slowly I pushed more and more of my cock into her ‘virgin’ throat. I got over two-thirds in then pulled out all the way so she could catch her breath.

“Again. Give it to me again.” She ordered.

I was more than happy to oblige. I slowly pushed my cock into her mouth again. When I got half way she grabbed my thighs again and forced me in more and more. It was one of the most erotic sights I have ever seen as more than three-quarters of my cock disappeared into her mouth and down her throat. I could see her throat swelling with cock meat. I held it there for a minute. I could feel myself start to quiver and I knew that I was going to blow a big, hot load of cum really soon. I needed a few more seconds. I didn’t want to cum just yet. I pulled out and let my dick rest on her chin.

“Lick my balls you little slut.” I commanded.

She did as she was told; just like any little whore would do. She took one nut then the other into her mouth. She sucked and licked them from the base of my shaft to my ass crack. This bitch could really give some good head. I reached up with both hands and continued my man-handling of her beautiful tits. I squeezed and pulled them. I pinched her nipples. I leaned over and took one into my mouth. I sucked it hard while pulling and pinching the other with my hand. I gently nibbled her little pink bud and then I bit a little harder.

“OUCH! Not so hard, fucker!” She exclaimed.

I ignored her and shifted my mouth to her other tit. I gave that one similar attention. Under me I could feel she was really getting into this. She was moaning and arching her back trying to push more of her tit into my mouth. I gave her tits a little more oral attention until I felt like my cock had relaxed enough.

I stood up and allowed her to reposition herself so that I could throat fuck her again. She put her feet on the chalk board ledge so that she could push back. Once she was ready I, once again, watched as she gobbled inch after inch of my cock. This time I didn’t stop at the half-way point. I just kept going until she had three-quarters of it in her mouth. I pulled out half way and pushed it back in. After a few pumps I began a rhythm. She began pushing back to match to the same rhythm. Before I knew it she was taking nearly all of me. My balls were slapping her in the nose with every thrust. I could hear her grunting and gasping for air with every thrust. I was mesmerized by the sight. Her throat would swell then shrink, swell then shrink. I was fucking her throat like it was a super tight pussy. I was really going at her hard when I could feel my cock swell and my balls tightened. I was ready to blow my load. I continued to face-fuck her until the very last second.

“Oh gawd. I’m gonna fucking cum. Cant… hold.. it…”

She tried to stop me but I quickly pulled my dick out of her mouth and only stroked it once before the first shot came shooting from my exploding gun. I shot a cum rocket so far it hit her left foot with an audible ‘splat’. The second rope spiraled as far as her belly button and left a trail almost to her breast bone. Then I shot a few loads between her gorgeous orbs. The remainder of my load gushed over my hand and dripped onto her chin and neck. I squeezed a few more globs and let them drip onto her pretty face. She didn’t seem to care. When she opened her mouth and guided my shrinking prick I happily gave it to her. I let her continue to suck the last few drips and drops from my dying prick. When she finally sucked me completely dry I stepped back and helped her sit up.

“I wanted to swallow it.” She actually sounded disappointed.

“Sorry. Most girls don’t swallow. Some even get mad if I don’t pull out.”

“That’s bullshit. If you’re going to suck a dick you need to be willing to finish the job.” She said as she was scooping my jizz from her neck with her finger. She stuck her finger in her mouth.

“MMMMM! Feed me your cum. I want to eat it all.”

I reached in my desk and pulled a plastic spoon. I began scraping and scooping up my creamy load. I spoon fed her like a little baby and she ate it up. I scraped the cum from her chin and neck. I then scraped the long rope from her belly button to the middle of her tits. Again she licked the spoon clean. I even tried to get the blob that hit her foot.

Just watching her swallow the load of cum that I was feeding her began to arouse me again. I could feel my cock start to rise. There wasn’t the same sense of urgency this time. My initial lust was placated and I felt like taking my time. I wanted to make this last.

I handed her the spoon and watched her talented tongue lick the spoon clean of all my cum. She watched me watching her and I could tell she liked being ogled. When she was bored she dropped the spoon into the garbage.

I took her chin in my hand and looked into her pretty eyes. She was so young and beautiful but she was also experienced and street smart. My cock was rising even more with desire for her. I leaned in and kissed her lips. I could smell my cum on her breath but I didn’t care. I kissed her again a little longer this time. Her tongue lightly touched my lips. I kissed her again and let my tongue touch hers. Lightly at first then soon our tongues were dancing and wrestling together. I had one hand on the back of her head pulling her to me and the other was palming her sexy ass through the thin fabric of her shorts.

I broke off the kiss and turned her around and made her lean on the desk. I placed soft wet kisses on her neck and slowly worked my way down her back. She purred with delight as I gently caressed her tits while I slowly worked my way down to the small of her back. She reached down with one hand and found my near hard cock. She gently massaged it to its full erect glory.

“Oooo, I can’t wait to have this big piece of meat stuffed inside me.” She moaned.

When I got to the waist band of her shorts I dropped to my knees as though I was kneeling at the alter that was her ass. I caressed it through her shorts and worked my way down her lovely tan thighs to her knees and back up again. This time I pushed my hands under the tight fabric and squeezed the soft skin of her firm buttocks. I pinched the hem of her shorts with both thumbs and forefingers and began to pull them down. I teased myself by pulling them down slowly. I could see that this little hussy wasn’t wearing any panties. ‘How often does this little vixen going commando’ I wondered. Inch by agonizing inch I watched as her ass was slowly exposed to my lecherous gaze. Her naked ass was even better than I could have imagined. It was unbelievably round and smooth. Finally, after several painful moments I had her ass exposed and just inches from my face. She gave her ass and thighs a little stripper shake and I watched her shorts fall to the floor. She was now only wearing a pair of high-heeled sandals.

I stood up for just a second. I quickly stripped all my clothes and returned to the ‘altar of Shelly’s ass’. I softly traced my fingers up her thighs and over her ass to the small of her back. Then I lightly drug my nails all the way back down. The sensations were driving her crazy. She spread her legs and moaned.

“Ohhhh. Feel my pussy. Its so hot and wet.”

I could see that she was playing with her clit so I slowly traced my hands up her inner thighs and stopped just short of her little love hole.

“Please touch my pussy. Please.”

Again I caressed her inner thighs getting closer to her pussy but stopping.

“Mr. Banks, feel my pussy PLEASE. It is so hot for you.”

I wasn’t just hard now I was throbbing again. I massaged her inner thighs again working my way even slower and closer to her pussy. I could feel the heat radiating from her burning hole. Her pussy was leaking directly onto my hand and I still hadn’t touched her. She bent her knees more and more in an effort to get me to touch her. I was taking my time. I liked what I was doing to her. She wanted it. She was dying for it and I was filling her with the same lust and desire that I had. She bent her knees even more as she continued to finger her clit.

“PLEASE TOUCH ME NOW!” She screamed.

I very lightly touched her labia just light enough to tickle it with the tip of my finger. Her knees locked and I could feel her thighs trembling. The tip of my finger was wet with her juices. Her labia was open wide and I continued to touch her as lightly as possible. She was going crazy because she wanted it so bad.

“Yes, yes! Stick it in me. I gotta have it now.”

I drew little circles around her outer lips teasing her more and more. Then finally I jammed two fingers into her sloppy wet hole.

“YES!”

Her orgasm was instantaneous. Her tight little pussy seized my invading fingers and she began to convulse. It started with her pussy and slowly radiated out to the rest of her body. I was wiggling my fingers and trying to finger fuck her but she had such a grip on me that I could barely move inside her.

“Ahhhh-mmmmfft Ahh, ahh, ahhhh. Yes. Yesss. YES.”

She continued to cum around my invading fingers for several seconds. I have never seen an orgasm so intense. When she finally relaxed, a huge load of cloudy fluid fell from her pussy onto my hand and made a splat on the floor. I had never seen a female ejaculation before. I was entranced as I pulled my fingers from her pussy and looked at my hand that was completely covered in her pussy juices. She was leaning against the desk and breathing heavily. She could barely stand upright. I sniffed my fingers then slowly touched them to my tongue. It tasted kind of tangy.

I licked my fingers and hand clean and quickly turned her around. I picked her up and sat her on the desk. I sat in my chair and pulled up to her dripping wet pussy.

“Lay back.” I said.

“OK, but just give me a sec– Oh gawd!”

I didn’t even let her finish before I dove in face first. I picked up both of her feet and set them on the arm rests of the chair so that I could spread her legs to give me better access. I began licking and lapping at all her tangy juices. I spread her lips and pushed my tongue in as far as I could. I was a maniac trying to get more of her juices in my mouth.

When the well began to run dry I started to abuse her clit with my tongue and teeth. I flicked it with my tongue then nibbled it with my teeth. I stuck two fingers in her pussy and began to pump them in and out while I continued to suck her clit. She couldn’t take very much of this and she started quivering again.

“Mister, m-m-m-mister… Barns. I’m cuming again! Oh yes, yes yessss!”

She arched her back up and at the same time she grabbed my head with both hands and pushed it into her sweet little hole. Again her whole body shook violently and again she ejaculated. Only this time I cupped her pussy with my mouth and caught every drop of her heavenly dew. The whole time I was thrusting my tongue into her pussy trying to get more and more of her. When her orgasm finally subsided she pushed me away.

“Stay back you hungry pervert. My pussy is too sensitive right now. I’ve never experienced orgasms like that. You’re just going to have to wait for a few minutes.”

She was lying back on my desk with her feet hanging over, not quite touching the floor. Her chest was heaving and she was sweating profusely. She was a vision to behold. My cock was still rock hard and I began to stroke it slowly as I was staring at her young naked body. I gave her a few minutes to recover then I stood up and stepped between her legs.

“Are you ready?” I asked.

She looked at me with a wicked lust in her eyes. I knew she wanted it.

“Yes. Just start out slow until I get used to it.”

I spit in my hand and rubbed it over my shaft. I positioned my purple head at he entrance to her sloppy hole. I gently pushed the head in and waited a second before pushing a little more in. She pulled her legs up and hooked her arms around the back of her knees so she could spread herself wider for me. I put my hands on her upper thighs to help push her legs back and I used my thumbs to spread her pussy open. I pushed in a little more and pulled out a little. Her pussy was so tight around my engorged prick. I slowly worked in more and more. She looked down at my disappearing cock.

“Oh my fucking god! It feels like I have a mile of cock inside me. Jesus Christ this shit feels good!”

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity I had my cock buried to the hilt in her juicy box. I began working it in earnest now. I slowly pulled it out almost all the way then slowly pushed it back in. Then I would shake my hips a little so my dick would rub all around inside her; then I would pull it out and do it all over again. The sensations of having her tight pussy gripping my hard cock were indescribable. It was like electricity traveling from the head of my cock, through my balls, up my spine to the pleasure center of my brain.

“Ooo, ooo, ooo, yes.” She exclaimed. “Fuck my pussy with that big pole of yours.”

She let go of her legs and let them rest on my chest. I grabbed her thighs and started pulling her as I was thrusting my meat into her. The tempo had gradually increased and I had a pretty good rhythm going. I was really starting to slam away at her. I could hear my cock making squishing noises and my balls were slapping against her beautiful ass.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” She screamed.

She reached down and pushed her engorged clit down so my thick shaft would rub her on each stroke.

“Aahhh yes. Just like that. Fuck me just like that.” She ordered.

I was happy to oblige. I was jamming my cock into her for all I was worth. I could feel my fat, purple head being jammed against her cervix with every pump.

“Yeeee-ahhhh!” She screamed.

Her orgasm hit her hard as she shook violently. My cock and balls were coated in her love juices as she screamed and kicked her way through another orgasm. Her quivering pussy was a little more than I could handle and I could feel my balls tighten. My cock was twitching inside her with every stroke and my orgasm was building and building.

“Oh yeah. I’m about to plaster your tight little pussy.” I exclaimed.

“Wait!” She replied. “I want you to cum in my mouth. I want to eat your creamy load.”

I continued pounding away at her poor, overworked pussy until I couldn’t hold back any more.

“Get ready. Its coming. I’m gonna blow. Arrrgh!”

I yanked my cock from her pussy and gripped the head as hard as I could. I was beginning to squirt so I had to get it there quick. I ran to the side of my desk and I violently pulled her head to my exploding cock. I managed to see the first squirt splash against the inside of her cheek before she closed her lips around my erupting cock head.

I convulsed for what seemed like an eternity. Every muscle in my body seemed to jerk and sputter in tune to my climax. She sucked and swallowed every drop of my sweet, salty goo. She continued to suck me until my cock was limp in her mouth. When she was done I stumbled back into one of the desks behind me. I was completely spent.

“I would say you earned your ‘A’.” I said.

“I’d give you an ‘A’ to.” She replied.

“Don’t forget now, you have to show up every day for the next two weeks and pass the tests.”

“After a fuck like that, I’m not gonna miss a day of your class.”

She stayed true to the deal and showed up every day. Every day she wore something that was either too tight or too loose in all the right places. We fucked a couple more times that summer. While it was always good sex it was never as good as that time she earned her ‘A’.

Original post by freak

September 1st we will announce a new contest. Who has some good ideas on what type of contest we should have?

I went to my current boyfriends game tonight and seeing all those guys was too hot!

Original post by silentpillow

So what does this have to do with Eliot Spitzer?  I can’t talk about it.  Let’s just say he and I share something in common.  Wink, Wink.  Nudge, Nudge.  Yep.  You guessed it.  I too was a State’s Attorney General turned Governor.  I can’t fool any of you!

I have a secret crush on a married woman.  She’s from the South Valley, too!  What will I do?   Nothing.  That’s what.  I can’t help it!  I love those feisty women from the south part of town.  They’re a little nuts.  Hey!  I wrote about this before.  I need to get off my ass and do something about it.

OK, OK!  Contest time!  I promise.

Original post by causticj36

This version of “Wisdom of the Anus” will not contain the fire and the fury of the original.  I am pissed off, though.  I’m pissed at all of these pretentious, preening fucks who like to insult average fun-loving guys and gals.  By average, I mean, just regular folks.  I don’t know what they do or how they do it, but I salute them!  I’m no better than the next man or woman.  Hell no.  I’m worse.  I’m a sub-species.  This really has to do with some schmuck* who made fun of a pretty little lady because she was drinking beer out of a can.  Now I understand why drinking beer out of a can is bad and frowned upon by the beer connoisseurs of the world.  Beer should be poured in an expert manner in order to release all of the aromatic and flavorful delights we expect when drinking a fine brew.  But why insult someone?  Who gives a fuck?  And fuck beer.  All of you readers are invited over to my house and you can drink beer out of a can all day and night.  You can drink motor oil out of a can for all I care.

And who is low class anyway?  Pricks with lots of money can be low class because they look down on people.  They sink to the levels of the damned and the unwashed.  I was watching The Hills because I am an inebriated sea slug of a man.  I saw all of these thin bodies in designer clothes and I wondered what would happen if I were to show up at one of their parties.  I can imagine a dozen white guys in Kanye West sunglasses and Kobe Bryant basketball jerseys kicking the shit out of me.  That’s not to say I wouldn’t put up a fight.  I’d love to punch one of those Beverly Hills cocksuckers in the balls just once.  Just once!  In my life!  What’s the deal with the clothes that the kids wear these days?  I don’t get it.  In fact, I’m really anti-clothes.  Naked is good.  Underwear is OK.  Anything more than that is just too much.  Naked and a scarf is fine.  Naked and a hat of some sort is acceptable, too.  What else is acceptable?  You tell me.

I wanted to write this post three days ago.  It didn’t turn like I had planned.  Oh well.  Contest details are on the way!

Sayonara.

Original post by causticj36

Original post by silentpillow

I had an uncle die - after a nine year battle with prostate cancer. His wife stood by him every last inch of the way. His kids got some quality time with him, and he hung on long enough to meet his grandchildren, too. I heard that because he had been in such great shape (he once had been a marathon runner), he lasted longer.

Makes me want to be a couch potato.

I also lost my last grandfather. I lost one last year too, and one when I was only eight. I had one set of grandparents divorce and remarry before I was born, so I started with six. Now I’m down to two grandmothers.

My father’s mother, (let’s call her F) had a penpal halfway around the world when she was a little girl. As the two girls grew up and married, they remained penpals. The other girl - now a woman - sickened and died, but F continued to write to the family she had grown to know through the letters. F and my grandfather divorced somewhere in the midst of this, and she travelled to meet this family halfway around the world. She fell in love with the man who had written her for so long, and they married. I always liked that story - it sounded so romantic to me. My parents once caught them holding hands and watching Godzilla Meets Mothra… Now he’s gone. I’ll always remember the stories he told about the kangaroos and parrots and crocodiles.

Now this week, my sweetie had surgery. Nothing serious, but enough that she spent the night in the hospital. So did I. I guess that’s what you do… Held her hand, wiped some of the blood off her, helped her into the bathroom, things like that. Slept on a crappy little cot, waking every time she coughed or her machines beeped or made a suction-y noise.. Exhausted today, but I’m at her beck and call, getting her ice packs, feeding her, things like that. It’s what you do.

I’m thankful the hospital staff didn’t put up a fuss or anything that we’re a girl/girl couple.. I think legally they still could have, but this place has heart.

Nothing sexy about it, but it was tender. and it was our two year anniversary, too.

Original post by sexykitten